Opinion: Frankie Cocozza saint or sinner?

To be published in the Bournemouth Rock Feb 16. 
(Frankie Cocozza: anti-christ or all things nice?)

Frankie Cocozza – the name that will either leave your heart aflutter or fill your fists with fury.  

Please note: if you’re the latter you’re probably not going to enjoy this piece too much. 

I pose it to you that specimen F, mister Cocozza, is not anywhere near as bad as you are led to believe.  

First of all, women surely you should know better. There is no illusion whatsoever that our lady-loving lothario has any intentions of settling down and making an honest woman of you at all. Any sexual relations with him are simply that and little more than another tattoo on his bum. Frankly, let’s face it if you’re sat expectantly waiting for him to call you the next morning, you may want to bring snacks. Those delusional dozen who think otherwise are what a good friend of mine would describe as ‘oxygen thieves’. 

Well how about the cocaine ey, Frankie coke-up-the-nose-a? I hear you say. Guilty, while it’s not the best excuse, we’ve all made mistakes. I mean mine personally don’t include Class-A drugs on an every day basis, but surely being booted off the X-Factor and ruining an already tarnished music career is punishment enough!  

What about his dreadful music? Okay now, no need to get nasty. I’ll admit his cover of ‘I’ve got a feeling’ was torturous to listen too. Apparently scientists are in the process of implementing it as a replacement to the dog whistle next year. But in a world where Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black and Vanilla Ice can all be played on the radio a wannabe 19-year-old singer from Brighton is the least of our worries. 

To conclude, since being booted off X-factor and sadly ending as the runner-up in Celebrity Big Brother, I can hardly say he has been a reformed character or that he left his sordid stunts behind him. But at a time when dark clouds overhang our ‘broken society’ I cannot begrudge the lad a bit of ‘living like a rock-star’ fun.

Interview: Meet Bournemouths nudist swimmers

Due to appear in the Bournemouth Rock Feb 16.

There I stand, nude or very-nearly nude. There before a poolside littered with de-clothed men and women. Just a pair of colourful, dinosaur-print boxers separating me from the world of naturism. Quaking, my quickening heartbeat questions my courage. Can I really do this? Throw all inhibitions aside, take the leap of faith and drop my draws? Joshua Saunders tries not to balls-up his infiltration of Bournemouth’s hidden world of naturism.  

Now I’d never consider myself to be the overly exhibitionist type; excluding the natural, naked-dash from the bathroom gone wrong resulting in mooning my brother’s girlfriend. A causal clothes-less sprint around a bar, and a mankini malfunction similar to Simon, from the Inbetweeners, that led him to catwalk calamity. Okay, so it’s fair to say I’m not a complete stranger to bearing all but never with swimming, and never with real-life naturists.  

Unknown to many, Bournemouth isn’t as estranged from naturism as you’d imagine. The area boasts Studland nude beach, one of the most popular sites in the UK and just under ten miles away. But to your average person, in my case my housemates the idea of baring all in front a group of strangers was hilarious enough to send them into a frenzy of laughter, giggles and leaving one unable to look at me seriously for several minutes.  

But what is the fear surrounding the act of living uncovered? I mean you never heard Adam and Eve blushing or making immature penis jokes. Technically speaking, being stripped of clothes should be one of the most natural things of all – we are after all human and so could hazard a reasonable guess as to what lies beneath the average pair of trousers and top.  But more often than not, naturism suffers the stigmatic stereotype of being a guise for dirty old perverts or randy teenagers eager for a gaze upon naked-flesh. 

A blanket of nerves smothers me as I leave the taxi that has delivered me just outside the location for our swim. The biting chill of the winter’s evening hits my face as I approach the hidden hotel, the Rothesay in Highcliffe. Its warm, rustic apparel seems an unusual setting for a nudists’ meet. Although for now it’s a relief to remember we aren’t nakedly dipping into the sea!  

Upon entree I’m greeted by dressed David (who wished for his surname to remain anonymous)  organiser of the Nude Swim events. He extends his hand and shakes firmly, reawakening the ever-worrying reality that soon I will be naked in front of many, many strangers. Friendly and surprisingly young, 23, he tells me that his initial motivation to set up the group was to increase the amount of activities for like-minded people. “I want to have another option of what I can do as a naturist and make new friends in the process.” Having been a naturist for nearly five-years his appreciation of the lifestyle comes from the 'isolation' and 'the escape from everyday stresses in modern life and smart phones'. 

I am the last over just over 15 people attending tonight and was hastily directed to the private pool section. As I leave I overhear the receptionist say that there are not that many guests stopping, and furthermore those who are, have been made aware and placed in rooms that would prevent them from seeing.  

The door is shut behind me and now it’s the moment that matters, the swan song of the show. Baby blue walls tiled with seahorses and fish greet me, along with several long panel shaped windows, one of which is covered with what looks like a seasoned artist’s dust cover. Stripped down to just underwear, my level of comfort is shown by my frozen inability to take them off. Last minute doubts plague my mind, and uncharacteristically I begin to tremor.  Can I do this? 

“Just do it,” calls an undressed David from the pool. And casting aside all hesitation I thrust down last layer of clothing. Embarrassment was my initial feeling. Wondering why the heck I’d shed off my clothes in front of complete strangers! Again!  

Briskly I scramble towards the pool, trying to divert as little attention towards me, and more importantly my naked body, as possible. Lowering into the pool of bodies floating around, conversing, laughing, they are unfazed by the undeniable fact that they are all naked. ‘Try swimming’ one man encourages, not knowing what to do I oblige. As the water ripples beside me an unusually weird feeling of liberation and elation sweeps through as me and my little big friend brave the waves. And in that moment of novel bliss I understood the calling to swim naked.  

As the session carries on more and more people form a semi-circle in the water, all sharing experiences from their out of the ‘ordinary’ lifestyle. One person tells of him forgetfully opening the door in the nude to a plumber. And after an embarrassing scurry up the stairs, to gather clothes he later noticed the man was a secret naturist too and was fixing nakedly. Another jokes to his unknowing neighbours that he sunbathes in the nude, little do they know he actually does!  

While the night slowly draws closer to an end the issue of being without clothing seems less prominent. The once glaringly obvious shame of being bare disapparates (sic) and the community I’ve thrust myself into feels more like a close-knit family. A gathering of people who like to be naked and just take pleasure from returning back to our natural form. No sordid antics or salacious sauna scenes just a bunch of friends like any other. 

The realisation of my actions only hit recently, ironically as I bathed in the shower. I have paddled around naked for the whole room of eyes to see. Carelessly chatted whilst drifting on the water bare, albeit with doubts and primarily fear, but in an uttermost moment of spontaneity the comfort of nudity embraced me. Freedom.  

While I can’t guarantee for now that I’ll be convert to life without the constraints of clothing (only for the sake of the public), I certainly wouldn’t rule out more nude swimming in the future. Perhaps I’ll see you there...  

To find more information about Bournemouth’s Nude Swim events visit www.nudeswim.wordpress.com or email contact@nudeswim.co.uk 

Quagmire shaped crisp to sell for tens of thousands

To be published in the Bournemouth Rock Feb 16.

Caption: You can’t fault this Valentine’s Day gift for lack of creativity…

 

Did you receive an unusually shaped potato-based snack this Valentine’s day? 

If so, then your ‘loving’ partner may have made you the lucky owner of the Quagmire-shaped crisp that took eBay by storm.  

Initially the sweet chilli flavoured crisp that captured the infamously out of proportion chin received bids as little as 11 pence before hastily escalating into the tens of thousands of pound. 

Joint-owners of the crisp Dominic Stapleton and Tom Littlemore, from Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, discovered the crisp that emulated Quagmire from popular TV show Family Guy.  

Having read a story earlier that day about a Homer Simpson shaped glob of glue that sold for £100,000 the pair raced to put their find onto eBay. 

Within 24-hours bidders had pledged over £200,000 for their savoury snack that imitated Seth MacFarlane’s salacious lothario from fictional city Quahog.  

When Tom saw the amount of money staked by people, he joked: “It was like all our Crispmasses had come at once.” 

But a short tragedy befell them when eBay suspended Dominic’s account until he could send proof of his name, address and that he actually owned the crisp.  

Unfortunately the temporary suspension resulted in them losing all bids they had previously gathered. 

Having overcome the authentication process Dominic reposted the crisp on February 7th, setting a one-week window for people to outbid one another for the highly sought after crisp.  

Meaning that bidding closed on Valentine’s Day and that somebody in the UK or outside could have received the crisp as a belated gift from their lover. 

“It will probably be the most expensive crisp in the world,” Dominic added. 

In a kind gesture the twosome have promised to donate 65% of the money they have made from the crisp to Cancer Research UK. 

If you received this out of the ordinary gift for Valentine’s day contact: newsdeskrocks@gmail.com 

Oyster-card twin set for Bournemouth for university

To be published in the Bournemouth Rock Feb 16

(Oyster-pass twin on the cards for University)

The frantic scramble for loose change may be a thing of the past for new students coming to Bournemouth University. 

A new ‘Smart card’ system would allow students unlimited access to the university buses throughout the academic year if given the go ahead.  

The potential deal that is still in being negotiated with university travel provider Wilts and Dorset, could be in place ready for September’s influx of new students this year.  

Suggestions ideas for the card include a combined fee for halls of residence and smart card for first years, alongside a separate termly pass or a pay as you go option for those living in privately rented accommodation. 

The passes are akin to the Transport for London’s Oyster card that allows people to travel using the bus, Tube, tram, DLR and London over-ground services. 

Student President Toby Horner has high hopes for the scheme despite plans being in their infancy: “I would hope that the new system is in place ready for the new academic year. 

“Buses have been one of those things that have continually cropped up because so many students are using the buses day-in day-out. 

He added: “Based on the student feedback the university is very aware that the current provision for the buses aren’t quite up to scratch with what the students are expecting. 

The passes are akin to the Transport for London’s Oyster card, which allows people to travel using the bus, Tube, tram, DLR and London over-ground services. 

But dissimilarly to the London scheme owners of the Bournemouth Smart card will be presently confined to using buses. 

Wilts and Dorset, who provide internal university bus services U1, U2, U3 and U4, recently unveiled their ‘Key’ system to the public earlier this January. 

Currently they offer their service in the Bournemouth, Poole and its surrounding areas on 10-day, 20-day, 30-day and 90-day travel passes 

Commercial manager for Wilts and Dorset, Leon Wellman said the company are still trying to improve the system: “We are still fine tuning this technology and will hope to come out with an effective pay-as-you-go system suited for this region.” 

With all Wilts and Dorset buses fitted with the pass readers that are currently used for concessionary passes, the university hopes it will mean shorter queuing times for students and the public alike.  

Pricing for a potential agreement will be discussed next month during a meeting between the Student Union representatives, Bournemouth University and Wilts and Dorset.